As I was enjoying my morning coffee I came across something hilarious on Facebook. A BuzzFeed article featuring snippets of "love scenes" written by male romance authors. Some men write romance and do it well. Then there are others who frankly have no business picking up a pen. Their work was nothing but poor syntax and descriptions that went way beyond any sense of believability, resulting in some of the funniest stuff I've read in years. Unfortunately, I don't think writing comedy was their intention.
So, how you do write a "spicy" scene that won't make your readers burst out laughing? Well, just like with any other writing, it's all about using the proper technique. In my Marina Martindale's Musings blog I have an article called, Sweet, Sensual or Erotic Romance? and it discusses the differences between the subgenres. I write sensual romance, which is probably the most common, but the advice I'm giving would also apply to writing erotica.
Have a basic understanding of anatomy and physiology. Human beings come in two body types with two distinct sets of equipment, and this equipment only functions in certain ways. When in doubt there are plenty of medical websites out there where you can get more information.
Handle euphemisms with care. While you can call body parts by name in erotica, they may be a little too graphic or harsh for sensual romance. Euphemisms can be substituted, but be careful. Certain words, such as "manhood," tend to be overused, while others, like "butterfly," can be downright corny. If you're new to this kind of writing I recommend taking the time to read some erotica written by established authors, such as Anais Nin.
Use Proper Grammar, Syntax and Punctuation. Nothing screams, "amatuer," louder than poor writing, regardless of genre or subject matter, and if your story is badly written it won't be read. This is why even the most well known authors use editors and proofreaders.
So, if you're ready for a good belly laugh, I've posted a link to the article below. Be sure to put your coffee down while you're reading as having an unexpected or uncontrollable burst of laughter while you're trying to swallow may result in the coffee coming out of your nose and splattering your computer screen.
And here's the article.
And here's the article.
I'm So Sorry, But Here's How Some Male Authors For Really Real Described Women In Books